January 2012
90 posts
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We will have achieved gender equality
when I can dump the chip crumbs in my mouth without guys looking at me like I live under a bridge.
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I have a cold.
So far I’ve taken DayQuil and Doritos for it.
The Doritos far and away worked better.
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Sometimes I feel like I'm the only person left who...
That’s it.
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“Opportunity is missed by most because it comes dressed in overalls and looks...”
– Thomas Edison
Where are my bootstraps when I need them?
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Take this really trippy test. It involves fuzzy... →
My diagnosis:
You have a poetic sensibility and an ability to see beyond the day to day. You often seem to be living in a higher realm, or to be not-of-this-earth. Occasionally you imagine interior lives for friends and associates that are near-complete fabrications based on your fears or hopes for the future. You are often not aware of your own feelings. You have a strong sense of right and...
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Why We Should Do Sex Things: A Powerpoint →
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If they ever discover there are long-term adverse effects to Advil, I. am. fuckedddd.
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Here's why I think I've had a successful 25 years...
I am not either of these ladies.
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Here are some things I feel entitled to do if I...
- Do approximately 45 minutes of work when I get to the office.
- Dick around the rest of the day, which includes but is not limited to:
- Take myspace pics of my face and birthday outfit with Photo Booth (#fuckyeahsparkles)
- Admire my first birthday gift (#boyfriendforthewin)
- Continually refresh my FB page to see how many more people have wished me happy birthday
- Remove excess...
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“So many people live within unhappy circumstances and yet will not take the...”
– Christopher Mccandless (via light-essence)
this this this this this this this this this.
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Working out of Hugh Hefner's ex-penthouse today.
With a guy named Crash.
Who’s wearing a fedora.
And all Ed Hardy clothing.
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People who say, "We gotta jam":
I want to shove sharpened pencils through your eyeballs.
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I was watching a video entitled, "7 Foods Skinny...
Much to my dismay, Domino’s and tequila were not on the list.
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Um. Hunger Games just launched a fashion tumblr.
Capitol Couture.
You’re welcome.
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Fluoride, y'all.
Remember fluoride? My memories of it date back to Catholic grade school days, where we took fluoride once a week. Where we’d watch the clock, roll our eyes and hold our breath, like we were being forced to gargle baby tears and thumbtacks for 60 seconds.
My new dentist recommended it as a good cavity fighter. And I’m pleased to report after my first use that it was delightfully minty...
529. Try it without the sarcasm.
I don’t understand.
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Took my first stab at the crockpot tonight.
It’s the 1960s housewife I never knew I wanted.
I’m calling it a raging success because a) the chicken was moist, even after 10 hours and b) my apartment didn’t burn down.
And okay, yes, all that was in there was chicken and cream of mushroom soup. I’m still buying myself a chef hat on eBay tomorrow.
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I think I eat to the tempo of whatever Pandora...
Which is really a problem when you’ve been listening to flamenco for the past two weeks straight.
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“If I’d asked my customers what they wanted, they’d have said a faster horse.”
– Henry Ford
Monday. Get after it today.
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Tell me what is better than being snowed in on a...
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“Do you know how many glasses of wine you can drink and still complete half of a...”
– “How Do Guys Deal With Rejection?”, Jake for Glamour
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Swimming
This morning marked my first swim of the year and it got me thinking. I’ve talked to countless family and friends about triathlons and every single person says the same thing:
“I could never do the swim.”
Tons of people feel confident in their ability to run 13, even 26, miles, but swimming ONE MILE is just too impossible?
Story time: When I decided to do a triathlon in...
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I ran into Mike Ditka at Dominick's the other day.
He was wearing aviators and a (tacky) motorcycle jacket while pushing a shopping cart.
Rather than settling on one double take, I proceeded to follow him around the produce section. Without adding any items to my cart.
“GET DA FUCK AWAY FROM MY BROCCOLI.”
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I'm supposed to be able to run 6 miles this...
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Sofia Vergara is just a really hot Fran Drescher.
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“Wait, what’s that state with all the potatoes?”
– Overheard at work
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Trying to make plans for the night..
Friend: Or we could just read books and not talk to each other all night.
Steph: Sometimes [Steph's boyfriend] and I do that.
Friend: Yeah, sometimes [Friend's Ex] and I did that too. But that was mostly to hide the fact that he was gay.
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Lessons in Birthing: Stories by Ali O
My best friend, Ali, came over for dinner last night. I cooked her a meal and gave her a couch to sleep on and she repaid me by teaching me everything I (n)ever wanted to know about the birthing process.
I did not want to know that getting induced makes you look like the bitch from The Exorcist or that some weird shit that starts with a “c” comes out of your boobs after you push the...
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WTF is going on with Glee.
If a man EVER proposed to me using:
a) his students (really, Artie in a pool chair?)
b) a synchronized swimming routine
c) some weird walking on water apparatus
d) a wet white tuxedo, or
e) ALL OF THE ABOVE,
that’ll be a “fuck no” coming from my end.
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It's liberating to have the next 5.5 months of...
- She says the week BEFORE half marathon-triathlon combo training begins.
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Life Win:
Coming across a “Life After College Roadmap” infographic about getting your home, money and career in order and realizing you already know and heed all of this advice.
BOOM.
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“A life worth living is a life worth recording.”
– Tony Robbins
BOOM. Don’t ever let anyone tell you your blog/journal/tweets/status updates aren’t worthwhile.
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NYC: The Week of New Food
- Paccheri at Aurora
- Korean BBQ, including octopus, brussel sprouts and kimchi, plus soju at Wonjo
- California rolls, spicy lobster rolls, spicy tuna rolls, green tea ice cream, and sake at Blue Ribbon Sushi
- Foie gras and escargots at Les Halles
- Smoked mozzarella and ricotta fritters at Landmarc
[Other great restaurants we visited: Pastis for breakfast, Eataly, Stumptown Coffee...
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