February 2012
109 posts
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Always a good sign when your weights have cobwebs...
“C’MON MARRIED PEOPLE.
I don’t want to hear about the endless...”
– “Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?”, Mindy Kaling
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Pros & Cons of Eating With A Cold
CON: Because your nose is congested, you have to eat with your mouth open like a fucking horse so you can continue bringing oxygen into your body and not die in the middle of lunch.
PRO: You have no appetite. So instead of convincing myself I don’t want that cupcake chips platter of tacos, it is the one magical time my stomach shrugs instead of drooling like a kid on novacaine.
...
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“I have no natural rapport with children. I’m not one of those women who...”
– “Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?”, Mindy Kaling
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Book Review
Here’s what I’ve read the past couple weeks:
Unbroken: A World War II Story of Survival, Resilience, and Redemption
Laura Hillenbrand
My rating: 8/10. It’s a slow start, but a fascinating story about a POW whose spirit gets him through the war.
The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks
Rebecca Skloot
My rating: 7/10. I appreciate the thoroughness, but by the end, I was like,...
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This is how awkward I am.
I’ve been alive for 25 years and I just realized THIS WEEK that if I hear someone on the other side of the bathroom door, I should get out of the way and wait for her to come out instead of just charging ahead and running straight into the person like I didn’t see it coming.
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I JUST SNEEZED FOUR TIMES IN A ROW.
That is a new record for me and even though it’s because I’m sick, I’m still excited.
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Parents
Are there two better people on Earth? I am endlessly fascinated by my parents’ endless fascination with their children. It doesn’t matter how many times I’ve told them about a work project - they still want to hear more. I’ve been laboring, smiling and just generally freaking out about my first TV spot since November. And now it’s finally going to be on TV THIS...
“Age shouldn’t affect you. You’re either marvelous or you’re boring, regardless...”
– Morrissey
(via mylespritdelescalier)
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After a week of enjoying (devouring)
Vicky’s DELICIOUS butterscotch brownies, I have decided to donate the rest of them to the office cafe.
I imagine this is what losing a child feels like.
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FOUND: "When Bedbugs Infest Your Love Life"
http://bodyodd.msnbc.msn.com/_news/2010/09/28/5195308-when-bedbugs-infest-your-love-life
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Things That Interest Me: A list I made a year ago
Pay no mind to Items 4, 13, and 16 on the list.
Become More Optimistic: 6 Smart Tricks →
“6. Expunge profanity and obscenity … from your vocabulary. Such words are always signs of a lazy mind that can’t think of something really witty to say.”
Damn it.
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50/50 review
I did not expect to love this movie. I barely expected to like this movie. WATCH THIS MOVIE.
My emotions really ran the gamut. I laughed (way more than I expected to). I cried. I painted my toenails.
The cast was perfect. Only Joseph Gordon Levitt could make cancer look cute. (See photo below.) Anna Kendrick nailed it. Seth Rogen was hilarious.
I give 50/50 a 10/10. (See what I did there?)...
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30 Day No Chip Challenge: Take 3
If you assumed this meant it’s my third time trying not to eat chips for thirty days but then scoffed at yourself and thought, “No one has THAT little willpower”, you should return to your original assumption.
Attempt 1 lasted about 10 days. Attempt 2 lasted (a pitiful) 4 (damn Chili’s chips and salsa). This may seem really sad, but you probably just don’t understand...
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Weekend Update
Dinner party. Chili and cornbread. Five best friends. Friends power hour. Closing down Hangge Uppe at 4AM. Diner breakfast. Bumming with my old roommate. Date night at Mexique. Surprise visit to Signature Room. 6-mile run. The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks. Leftover chili. Life of Pi. DAY OFF Monday.
“Running together was fun. It is fun when we do things together. I like having...”
– Mr. Steph’s analysis of the morning
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This morning: went on my first “couple run”. We did 6 miles.
Currently: lying spreadeagled in the middle of my living room with no intention of moving ever again.
Even my disco nail feels weak.
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“Even saying the words “I’m married” sounds so sucky to me.”
– Jazz. We’re clearly ready to be grown ups.
“Life is so full of unpredictable beauty and strange surprises. Sometimes that...”
– Mark Oliver Everett, Things the Grandchildren Should Know (via simply-quotes)
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Jokeytime
There were two sisters, one called Petal and one called Fridge.
One day, Petal asks her parents, “Why did you call me Petal?”
And they replied, “Because when you were a baby, a petal fell on you.”
And then Fridge says, “Bllaaarrarararraraaarg.”
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Well, we think we're entertaining.
Ali: Hunger Pangs
Steph: That could be a new Suzanne Collins series in which people are starving to death.
Ali: Hunger Lanes: fast food chains fall apart
Steph: Hunger Planes: flight attendants run out of peanuts and the masses take over the aircraft
Ali: Hunger Vain: pretty people stop eating and look at themselves in the mirror all day
Steph: Hunger Cane: a starving old man wrings people's necks with his cane and steals their food
Ali: Hunger Manes: horses take control of their own destiny, stampeding their owners and eating all the hay
me: Hunger Wangs: a group of lonely penises travels to Amsterdam to find a brothel
(At the same time)
Steph: One of us is turning this into a post, right?
Ali: (I hope you are documenting these for a blog post. You'll be better at writing this one up.)
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I'm pretty sure if I got obsessive about The...
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Parenting at the Office
This little girl is still here and thankfully, someone else has been chosen to babysit her. They just had a Justin Bieber dance party. It gets better.
LITTLE GIRL: Can we listen to Kesha?
ACCOUNT GIRL: Are you allowed to listen to Kesha?
LITTLE GIRL: I don’t know, let me ask my dad.
[Silence.]
LITTLE GIRL: C’MON DAD, PLEEEEEEEEASE?
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Someone brought their kid to work to sell Girl...
I’m nervously sitting in my office and praying she doesn’t stop by me. Because I have no idea how to talk to children.
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About tonight's all-girl dinner party
Mr. Steph: So what are you making for tonight?
Me: Chili and cornbread.
Mr. Steph: [Hysterical laughter for six minutes]
Me: What's so funny?
Mr. Steph: I just thought you'd have finger sandwiches or something.
Me: So what, because we're girls we're supposed to eat dainty food?
Mr. Steph: No, I just didn't realize you were going ice fishing afterward.
Me: Anyway, and then someone's bringing an appetizer.
Mr. Steph: Pork rinds?
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IT SMELLS LIKE HOT DOGS IN THE HALLWAY.
WHY DOES IT SMELL LIKE HOT DOGS IN THE HALLWAY?
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Blocking the internet on my computer
PROS:
I’d get 250% more work done.
CONS:
I’d lose the will to live.
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Hey. Giraffine is a word.
giraffine
Of or relating to the giraffe or giraffes.
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Do you think my employer would pay for accent...
Because right now, when I present scripts, I sound like a snobby mouse.
P.S.
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Sometimes when I'm on an elevator I look at the...
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Best Friends re: my (all girl) dinner party
Ali: is anyone there going to be good at painting nails? i need a mani
me: you're turning this into a real 7th grade slumber party
Ali: help a sister out
me: i mean, we all paint our own nails. you can't do your own?
Ali: NO. are you kidding?
me: are you?
Ali: i can paint my left fine. you suck
me: you lack the skills required to be a human
Ali: you suck a fat hairy ball
me: your ability to remain classy in all situations is why i'm friends with you
Ali: your ability to stick a large rod of bark up your ass and still walk without a limp impresses me
me: your mother must be proud
Ali: your mom
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"Sorry, we only carry sizes 1, 3, and 5. You could...
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Listening to "Someone Like You" on repeat like I'm...
“Remember, making one person smile can change the world. Maybe not the whole...”
– 12 Relationship Truths We Often Forget
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Just accidentally took part in the Cinnamon...
Stir your oatmeal thoroughly, folks. Stir it well.
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Chris Day
One of my best friends has been dating his girlfriend for two years and he goes all out. This year it’s flowers, a giant singing balloon, he MADE her one of those fleece-tie blankets, and got her tickets to a dance show.
I jokingly asked what he’d be getting and he said, “I don’t really get anything for Valentine’s Day.
I have Chris Day.”
I immediately...